Friday, April 29, 2011

Self Preservation

I sit here typing today from a place I don't like to be....stepping back to preserve my sanity. Honestly, the past few days have been kinda up and down and up and down and I find myself needing a break from the topsy turvey place I find myself in.

No one ever said relationships were easy. They, indeed, take work. As I shared my heart with an old friend tonight, their counsel was to make sure that there are boundaries in place to keep me, in a word, safe. And that it's OK to have boundaries in place.

 It's not always easy to risk opening up to those who don't know you well. Often, we have walls built up that we've thrown up to keep us protected from hurt, the past, rejection and the like. I've learned over time that some walls need, once they are down, to stay down. Other times, it's for self preservation to have a guard of some sort in place.

I hate walls between me and those I care about. Often they are defense mechanisms to hold others at bay so we don't have to risk feeling, risk rejection, risk being misunderstood among other things. I ask myself, "How much do I care? How much time and energy can I give in trying to tear down a wall if the other person is intent on putting the bricks and mortar back in place?"

And the ultimate question: Is it OK to walk away? I am not a quitter. I love to champion others, walk alongside them and encourage them. But I have found I risk being misunderstood. Or I give too much and get nothing in return. I don't like to quit. I don't like to give up. I want to see things through. But is it right to be selfish and put myself first and say, OK, enough, I need a timeout to refocus for me, for myself?

I believe the answer is yes. The one person who can take care of me best is me. And the only one who can choose what I allow in my life is me. I determined years ago that I would not live my life with regrets. So, to be good to myself and fair to the others this may also affect who are in my life, I choose to put me first. Not to be selfish, mind you. But to maintain the balance I need in my life to keep me going, to keep me focused on becoming the person God created me to be.

OK, so this was not really what I thought my blog was going to be about. And to some, I may seem to be rambling and you may not understand. It really doesn't matter. What mattered most to me was to get my thoughts down, as it were, and to share my heart. This is where I am right now, this very minute. It is a good place for me to be, the stepping back and looking out for myself. It will allow me to do what I need to do so that I can give out again from a good place and not one crowded with other things.

Even if you don't completely understand my ramblings at this early hour, know that I still believe I am blessed beyond measure, God is in control and He, in the end, is Who matters most to me. He is faithful and is with me, even in the midst of where I am right now.

Here is a closing quote I found this morning.....the author is unknown:

"This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
smiles when sadness intrudes,
rainbows to follow the clouds,
laughter to kiss your lips,
sunsets to warm your heart,
hugs when spirits sag,
beauty for your eyes to see,
friendships to brighten your being,
faith so that you can believe,
confidence for when you doubt,
courage to know yourself,
patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life."

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Blessed Beyond Measure: Catching Up

Blessed Beyond Measure: Catching Up: "I thought a new blog post was overdue, so here I am again, and you will have two in one day! Sometimes, there isn't too much going on and I ..."

Catching Up

I thought a new blog post was overdue, so here I am again, and you will have two in one day! Sometimes, there isn't too much going on and I don't know what to write about, to be honest. But let's see what I can share...

The warmer weather has been wonderful, although enough with the April showers! I have an almost continual small stream running alongside my trailer and while the grass is turning green, when Cady goes out, she tends to bring some of the earth back in with her in the form of muddy paws. So much so that I have taken to calling her little Miss Muddy Paws. My kitchen floor gets the worst of it and I am very well acquainted now with how my Swiffer Wetjet works! Just about the time things dry up outside, it rains again. But, on the other hand, it's not snow! OK, there's the positive.

There's a bush at the front end of the trailer that has started to show yellow flowers on it. I will need to take a picture of it once the sun comes out again to share with you. I had no clue when I moved in what kind it was....OK, to be honest, I still have no clue! Yet, I am happy to see green and buds and if you want to throw flowers in, OK! No dandelions yet....hmmmm....maybe my yard doesn't have any! ☺

I've been busy on my days off with housework and baking. And reading and relaxing. And having time to hang with people!

Last weekend was a shower for my oldest niece, Rebecca. She and her hubby, Frank, are stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and the shower was held at her mom's house. Becky joined us by Skype. We got to open our presents for the baby (Liliahna Marie) in front of the computer. They will be sent to her in TX in time for the baby's birth next month. Lili will be my 2nd great-niece and I am so looking forward to seeing her family when they are here in June. Becky and Frank are both in the Army and Frank is due to be shipped overseas for a year come this summer. So the time with family right now is really precious to them!

This week, I was able to go to Clarion and spend an evening with friends from high school at dinner at the Captain Loomis Restaurant. I love how time mellows people out and how much easier the friendships seem to be than when we were in high school. The laughter that rose up at our table was a sweet sound! Good friends, good laughs, good times....and good food!

I know some people are aware that there is a particular budding friendship going on in my life and I acknowledge that. I may not say much about it (or him - yes, it's a him!) because at this stage of the game, it's a friendship in process. My heart's desire is for the Lord to bring the right person into my life and I want the man He has for me to be my best friend. Friendship, I have found, take time to grow and develop. So, for now, I am content to see how we can connect as friends first. I know that the world most likely looks on that and sees it as ridiculous. But I see it as a way to form trust and get to know each other as people, focusing on who that person is, rather than what they have to offer or what can I get from them. I write this and laugh at myself, wondering if anyone understands! 

If I have learned one thing in life, it's to wait on God to move. For Him to open the closed doors. Anytime we try to take over for Him, we fail. It's better, as Scripture says, to "in all our ways, acknowledge Him", and He really will make it clear what path to take.

And let's not forget God's timing!!!! His timing, people, is always perfect! We tend to run ahead of Him and miss out on what He has for us right now. I know I can be impatient, feel He's not moving fast enough, but I know down deep, He has my best in mind! And so, He teaches me to wait. Some days are easy, others, not so much! Still, I want His best!

And His best.....always blesses me beyond measure!

Praying that He walks with you, talks with you, leads and guides you in His ways and that you find Him to be faithful!

Be blessed today....and always!

Blessed Beyond Measure: The WONDER of His resurrection is symbolized in th...

Blessed Beyond Measure: The WONDER of His resurrection is symbolized in th...: "The WONDER of His resurrection is symbolized in the hope that beats in the hearts of beleivers everywhere as they sing triumphantly, 'CHRIS..."
The WONDER of His resurrection
is symbolized in the hope
that beats in the hearts of beleivers everywhere
as they sing triumphantly,
It is the message "JESUS IS ALIVE!'
-Billy Graham

How grateful I am for that HOPE that brings me peace in the midst of storms and times of uncertainty. To KNOW that my Redeemer lives and paid a price for my SALVATION leaves me in awe of Him. To have His GRACE and MERCY and FORGIVENESS available for me and how He OVERCAME the grave so that I might approach Him and receive those things -

I am blessed BEYOND measure!
Not because of what I've done, but because of WHO HE IS!



Happy and blessed Easter, dear friends!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

No Time Like the Present....

Hello out there in bloggy land! I haven't blogged in a few weeks. Life has been going on, as it always does, on a daily basis! Which is about as much as I can handle. One 24 hour chunk at a time!

Work has kept me busy and things around the home. Baking, cooking, cleaning, reading and the like...did I forget the laundry? Making the beds and feeding the dog? Yeah, life!

I had taken some pictures around town that I wanted to share, but the camera apparently had indigestion and they have *poof* disappeared! So no photos! I can tell you that the day I took them, it was gorgeous outside and I had gone for a drive and had gotten what I thought were some pretty cool pics. But, to be honest, can't really tell you now what they were! Oh well!!! Stuff like that happens, doesn't it?!?!?

I've had the opportunity in the past few weeks to confirm (again!) in my heart what I want and don't want in a future mate. Being friends first is important to me. I have had to say goodby and close a door, while experiencing God's grace in my life. And in the next moment, saying hello to something else and waiting on God yet again. I know that He has a plan for me and I trust Him to fulfill whatever He has in store. But, so far, He is not letting me in on the details!

You ever notice how often we wish God would fill us in. Kind of like asking Him to show us the bigger picture so we can plan our lives around it? But actually, what He really wants, is for us to trust Him and walk by faith. Hearing and reading His Word, talking to Him in prayer, seeking Him first and foremost. He leaves us dependent on Him rather than ourselves. I don't know about you, but my best laid plans seem to fall short, more often than not! Yet, the plans He has? Ah, so much better in the long run, if I can just rest in Him and trust Him once again!

Life is full of change. I can't say I always like change and just might be among the first to dig in my heels and fight against it. But I have also learned over time that giving up and giving in to the Father is for the best and if I can manage to let Him bring it about, it really does benefit me!

Speaking of change......spring is here! While I'm not fond of the rain (or Cady's muddy kitchen floor is in a constant state of needing mopped!), I am so excited to see the green grass sprouting up!!! YEA!!! At last!!!! I guess with the bountifulness of the April showers so far, we should have a very flower-full May!

So there you are, my belated update of sorts. Not much going on, but things are going on! Just know that God is faithful and good and in control and He wants to bless us so far beyond the measure of anything we know or have experienced! He loves us that much! And as we look towards Easter, to celebrate His resurrection and all the that means to us, may we be thankful and give Him the praise and adoration that He alone is worthy of!

May He keep you in His care and bless you always!