Yesterday's posts took me back to elementary school days, times when things seemed simpler. While I would not want to go back and relive life, I do wish that some of the simplicity of those days still remained. Where the worries and concerns of a day were washed away with a parent's hug or kiss or the smile of a friend.
If you had told me then what I know now....yeah, probably would have done some things differently. But, as I have learned over time, one cannot live in the past, cannot live in the land of regrets, but must focus on the here and now. Time has also taught me to not worry about tomorrow, as that day is not promised to us, but to live today for today.
Health issues keep making me be reflective on what I could have, should have, wish I had, done differently. I should be this skinny minny, but I'm not. Food has always been a comfort and the poor old body has paid the toll for that choice. Yet, I believe there is always still hope, while I live and breathe and face each day. The choices are not always easy ones, but they do impact me, whether for bad or for good.
I don't mean to sound vague. These are just the thoughts of a crazy lady who is now up to four doctors that she sees and wonders to herself if there's any way to return this body for a new one or at the very least, improve what is left of the clunker she has. Even clunkers can be kept running, you know! They just may not look too great on the outside, but the inside keeps humming away, if given love and TLC to the works that makes 'em go!
Hmmmm....maybe clunker isn't the term I want as that implies that I'm ready to toss the whole kit-and-caboodle, no redemptive qualities....and that's not really accurate! With some hard work, things that might seem bleak at the time, can be turned around!
Here's a thought....prayer is often like that for me. In the middle of my bleakness, there comes a hopelessness that wants to overtake and wreck me. Inside *and* out! Prayer, though, is what turns things around as I turn to God and give HIM that hopelessness and this broken body, along with its cares, concerns, and worries. HIS peace, perfect in every way, is what restores me and that's something that starts on the inside and works itself from the inside to the outside, where the world can see peace in action. When I am at peace inside, I am at peace on the outside, too!
I mentioned the four doctors: one is my primary care physician, Dr P; my cardiologist, Dr D; my internist, Dr A; and the newest member of the group, my urologist, Dr M.
Where things are at right now is that the health issues I have dealt with over time (high blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, and most recently, the congestive heart failure), have left my kidneys not functioning at their highest potential and so now we can add kidney disease to the list. Yippee! NOT!
A recent CAT scan (my first) showed a couple of things. First, my kidneys are smaller than normal for someone my size (altho, I am not sure 100% what that means!). From what Dr M told me, most are 10 cm in size, where mine is around 8 cm. So I guess those centimeters would point to them being smaller than usual. Let's add to this now the fact that they have seen a kidney stone that's about 8 mm in size, just hanging out in my left kidney. Not blocking anything, just hanging out. According to Dr. M, this could have been there for years. We have no way of knowing since the CAT scan was my first one! It could not give me any problems or it could turn into one very big problem!
I go next week for another X-ray of the kidneys, followed by another visit with Dr. M. At that time, I think we will determine what comes next with that stone. There is a concern that if they go in and blast the stone, it could also weaken the kidneys, which are only functioning at about 30% of the their capacity as it is.
So.....yeah, I could so totally stress about this. But I know that stressing will not fix anything. Resting in the Lord, trusting HE knows what is best and that HE cares about me and all this health stuff...that's where I need to be....at peace, inside and out.
To be honest, this health stuff gets overwhelming at times. Then I look around me and see others who have more trying circumstances and issues than mine and it puts things in perspective. It could be so much worse!
I do need to do better with what I need to do to remain healthy. And I admit that I struggle with that. I need to exercise more, eat more healthy, and keep focused. Some days are harder than others.
This is a journey. It's one day at a time. One step at a time. I hope by writing and sharing that it helps me and maybe, just maybe, encourages someone else to know that they are not alone in the struggles of life. To realize that each day we are given is a blessing....and to make the most of what we have been given.
Thanks for reading my ramblings.....may you be blessed beyond measure today!